Natch

Short for: naturally
Means: a more sarcastic form of naturally, like obviously, or duh

Example: "The paparazzi got another picture of Lindsay Lohan completely wasted (natch)."
Example 2: "Natch, the Republican Senator resigned because he got caught having a lurid gay affair."
Example 3: "Monday sucks." "Natch."

Fav / Favsies

An annoyingly infantile abbreviation of the word 'favorite'. Actual usage:

"I shaved my chest to make me look less like a fifteen year old trying to grow chest hair; my shamelessly-halfbuttoned lavender shirt is my favsies."

Apparently this person got the word from an unofficial Mary Kate Olsen website, which pretty much uses douche-speak exclusively. No surprise there.

Ridic

Ridic, short for ridiculous, is another of those unnecessarily abbreviated words that sounds worse in its shortened version. Basically, it's the epitome of douchiness. I most often notice this word used when someone is mocking someone else's clothing: "Oh my god, look at those hideous mom jeans. They're ridic!"

Mexican Food Douchebaggery: Margs & Guac

Since I'll be having Mexican food tonight, I thought it would be the perfect time to talk about some food-related douche words. While margs (short for margaritas) is occasionally acceptable in a tongue-in-cheek sort of way, guac (short for guacamole) really rubs me the wrong way. GUAC. Ugh. It sounds like a noise a duck or a frog would make.

Still, they're both...dare I say... DELISH?

Whatev

Obviously, whatev is short for "whatever." It could be used in that "talk to the hand," Alicia Silverstone in Clueless sort of way, or it could just mean "I don't care, can someone please just pick out the damn restaurant already."

In its shortened form, whatev isn't really that douchey compared to the other variations: Whatevs and Evs. I think in this case, the shorter the word, the more of a douchebag you become when you use it.

Fro Yo / Frogurt

Short for frozen yogurt, fro yo is a word that can make me think of terrible, horrible, no good, very bad things. Like '90s spandex bike shorts, or the fact that neon-colored clothing is somehow back in style.

Frogurt is an alternate douchebag word, and honestly, I can't decide which one I hate more.

Jelly / Jelly Bean

This word seriously makes me mad when I hear it. Jelly (short for jealous) just makes the person who says it sound like a dumbass. It's like one of those ridiculous Dr. Scholl's commercials: "Are you gellin'? I'm gellin' like a felon."

The word jelly can be made further annoying by adding the word "bean" to it. "Don't mind her; she's just all jelly bean because you're prettier." I feel the dry heaves coming on...

P.S. Cyanide & Happiness has it spot on.

Douchespeak...By Ella Fitzgerald?

It was brought to my attention that Ella Fitzgerald's rendition of 'S Wonderful is just full of deliciously douchey words. I found the following:

Fash
Pash
Emosh
Devosh

See if you can find more!

Fabu

Today's word, short for fabulous, is one of those words that just gets under my skin. Fabu. It's FABOOOOO, dahhhling. Yuck. It sounds just as bad as when someone calls their boyfriend their "boo". *shudder* 

As an alternative to fabu, might I suggest the more acceptable (and, in fact, pretty damn awesome) word "fab" instead?

Sitch

Sitch = Situation. I had to post this word today, because a friend literally just said to me, "What's the sitch?" I had that "Uh oh, you are going to be mocked on The Douchionary because of that!" moment. Muhahaha. Sitch is one of those words that, while douche-like, still sounds better than calling yourself The Situation, like that douchebag on Jersey Shore. Not that I watch it. (No seriously, I don't.)

Ferosh

Short for "ferocious," this douchetastic word came into vogue after it was said by Project Runway's mocker of the "hot tranny mess," Christian Siriano. My favorite quote? "Ferosh, Fabulous, and Fierce, all of the above!"

Btw, if you are a fan of Siriano or the word ferosh, join the Facebook group "Team Ferosh! We Heart Christian Siriano" at http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=7790848978.

The GOOD Douche Words

Since lately the world seems to be full of people like Douche Douchington, the Duke of Doucheville, I needed to do a more positive douche post today. Here are the GOOD douche words, the guilty pleasures, the ones that don't affect your coolness:

1. Fab
2. Mod
3. Delish

It's a short list, because douche words can only be used within reason. As my friend Jennifer says, "With great power comes great responsibility."

Obv

Meaning "obviously," today's word is one of my favorite douche words to use (tongue-in-cheek, obv). I've also heard different variations of this, including "obvi". But why use 2 syllables when you can be amazingly lazy and use just one?